Today at church we went through what I will call an exercise in casting out sinful behaviors to make room for a better relationship with Christ. I can't really explain it very well, but I'm not here to talk about that; I wanted to talk about what came out of it. As we renounced our sinful behaviors and allowed the Holy Spirit to work within us, I was feeling somewhat stuck...
Yet another year has passed, and here I am on the first of the year again wondering where the year went and why I haven’t written. I was talking to a friend recently, expressing to her that my blog has really just become me wanting to make money off of a blog and really just “marketing” it, rather than sharing more of my thoughts and feelings as I originally intended.
My blog was started so that I could bring a little light to others–not to become somebody popular. So from here on out, my goal is to write when I feel compelled to write (not because I feel obligated to). It’s to write about what I’m learning and feeling and going through (not because I feel I need to write something profound). If I touch someone, that’s awesome, and if I don’t that’s okay.
I’ll probably share my lists on what I’m currently reading, what I have read, and what I’d like to read. (Because I like to read.) But I’d really just like my blog to be a lot more natural, and really a lot more me.
All that being said, I’m busy today (like most other people) reflecting on 2019 and looking ahead to 2020. I have no complaints about 2019. 2019 was fairly decent to my family and me. In my opinion, I think I had to do a lot more waiting than I should have (me and my impatient self!). But all of that waiting paid off, as we are looking forward to many positive changes in 2020.
My word for 2019 was “restoration,” and I feel that 2019 was very restorative. Though I had to wait for many things and endured some difficult circumstances, I came out on the other side and feel I am a better person because of those experiences.
I accomplished about half of my goals, which isn’t too shabby for me. While half of them were left undone, I have another year to work on them. As per my usual, I have a lot of goals I want to achieve again in 2020.
Most of all, when I reflect on 2019, I think of what is most fresh in my memory, which is a surgery I had just two days ago. It was supposed to be a minor surgery, and it was and I am in little pain from the surgery. It just so happens, that I had an asthma attack at some point during my surgery in which my extremities began turning blue, and I woke up feeling very tight in my chest, quite scared, and on oxygen.
I ended up spending an unexpected night in the hospital, but by mid-day yesterday, I was breathing unassisted. While my chest is still a little tight, and I am doing a good bit of coughing, I am feeling pretty good about the whole thing.
The surgery could have been much worse, and things could have turned out very differently. I am so very thankful to have entered into 2020 and even more thankful that I have friends and family who have expressed their love and concern for my family and I the last few days.
I am especially thankful for my husband who has come such a long way over the last couple years. He certainly does know my love language (acts of service) and has made many efforts over the last few days to keep the house running smoothly, loving on our daughter (who just turned 21 years old), making sure the younger ones are taken care of, washing the dishes, keeping the house in some semblance of order, and allowing me to rest.
We have a lot going on right now (a lot we are looking forward to!), but at the present moment I feel I can rest and enjoy this new chapter–a new day, a new month, a new year, a new decade.
What are you reflecting on today?