Last week was a tough week. Well if you include yesterday in there too. Not only was I tired and depressed, but we’re in the process of experiencing change and change isn’t easy.
In the last few weeks, I’ve been feeling like I burned a bridge with one of my best friends and have been trying to figure out how to repair it (I haven’t come up with anything yet). Then last week, I found out that another of my best friends (we’ve known each other for 16 years) is moving out of the area. Do not get me wrong, there is a huge part of me that is excited for her. She had been trying to sell her home for a while now and we often used to read articles about ‘how to sell your house‘ online together. Her real estate agent could not have been more helpful either. I will just be sad to see my friend go. As if all that was not enough, to top it off, yesterday our pastor made the announcement that he’s been reassigned to another district.
When it rains it pours.
I know God uses everything in our lives to change us and mold us and make us into the people He wants us to be. It’s just sometimes hard to see it. And I’ve seen Him work through this before. When I was pregnant with Rapunzel and feeling all alone, I found out my pastor (whose family I was very close to) at that time was being reassigned…and when the new pastor came (even though I swore I wouldn’t get attached), we found a mentor and a childcare provider and a youth leader–overall a family who changed our lives for the better.
But it’s hard to see the sunshine when you’re in the middle of a downpour.
I held the tears in pretty well until the drive home from church yesterday. And as I overflowed with sadness, remembering how abandoned I’ve felt in the past, I entered into that mentality again: why do I bother getting close to anybody when I know they’re just going to leave? I felt angry and sad and alone and abandoned.
Until I remembered the words in Psalm 118:8
It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in human beings.
This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t trust people. This isn’t to say that we shouldn’t get close to people. But people shouldn’t be the be-all end-all of our happiness. In fact, our happiness shouldn’t depend on people at all but in Jesus Christ our Lord who provides refuge, who will never hurt us, and who will never leave us.
If all we did was trust in people, we’d be let down an awful lot. In fact, we are let down a lot. That’s why we need to take refuge in the Lord, trust in Him, and allow Him to make opportunities out of the difficult situations.
I don’t know who our new pastor will be or if he (or she!) will have a family, and if we will get close to his (or her) family. But I can’t let the fear of abandonment interfere with the relationships God wants to bless us with. And although my friend is moving away, maybe there are other friendships I have here that need to strengthen. And what’s more…maybe it’s not even about my needs but hers. And the relationships she will build in her new home. As for the burned bridge, I need to take refuge in the Lord and allow Him to give me the tools to rebuild. Because I can’t let a burned bridge stay burned. Especially not this one.
So grow those relationships. But don’t let them take the place of God in your life.